i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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