Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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