There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
