TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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