I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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