I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize