I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
