i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
