And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
