You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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