every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
