im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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