its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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