no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
