We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We're too hungover to prance.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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