So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
