I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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