I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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