btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
