Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
