It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
