is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
