On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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