If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
