dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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