Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
