All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
