Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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