Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
