Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
