I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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