so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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