i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
