so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
