i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize