i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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