If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
