the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
