so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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