just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
