clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
