I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
