The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
