The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
