I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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