nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
