I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
