just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize