Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
