I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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