fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
