If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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