You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
