Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All I want is dick and wine.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
