I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
