He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
