69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
