This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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