Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
