One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
