her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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