Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Randomize
