Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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