peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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