Cold hands, warm shart.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize