i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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